Monday, 19 August 2013

Apology for a birthday wishlist

Those of you that know me, know that I struggle to ask for what I need. The reasons behind that deserve a whole 'nother blag post by their lonesome, so I won't go into that. What is important is that this here piece represents my trying another way. I am going to put my wishes out there, even if I am the only one who ever reads it. Some of it, I can only grant / realise myself. (The rest of you can also peek.) 

If the universe is listening, though, and if it truly matters which words we surround ourselves with:

I do not ask but speak my truth
if I dream true and selflessly
my dreams will soon reality be.

Without overthinking it, here's the list in no particular order:
  • A bicycle, and resultant exercise. Because I need to both get to work and get/stay in shape, because I can't perform impact exercise, and rollerblades aren't practical in Winter.
  • A roof over our heads, come September. We've got to move out and house hunting has been a farce of lazy half-assed work from rental agents, misnamed advertisements (a garden flat on the owner's property is NOT a "Semi-detached house!), and simple bad upkeep. (Protip: Musty smell = asthmatic HELL.)
  • Regular massages. For somebody that's always urging others to make work of this, I've treated myself rather poorly thus far. Touch isn't just fun, it's essential.
  • Less insecurity, more self appreciation. More self discipline hopefully an outcome here. Someone wonderful recently confirmed this for me -- If I believe that I am worthy of love and belonging, and deserve good things, I will work hard to give myself what I want and need.
  • A meditation space. Because right now, my life and environment pretty much completely lacks a tranquil space. I don't need to explain the problem there, do I?
  • A swimming pool to use on a regular basis. Partly for exercise as per above, partly because I am a water baby and going too long without regular full bodily immersion makes me feel sad and disassociated (from myself and reality).
  • A distraction-free writing space. Possibly overlapping with meditation space. My head is overfull of ideas and words that need out. I am unable to not write, and not realising this need in my life is causing major emotional overload.
  • New seeing-eye spectacles. My current pair is over 2 years old now. The constant eye strain and headaches just aren't funny any more. I am seriously considering switching to the blind interface on my work computer, and have already done so on my Droidlet.
  • A publisher. For the steamy romance novel that I'm working on, and its successors. Somebody wrote "What you do when procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life". Well... suffice it to say that I have nimble fingers and an eloquent tongue.
And that's me for now. Speak soon!